Look, I’m not pointin’ fingers, well, at anyone directly. I mean, there’s a bunch of ya out there and even if bein’ a Stylist doesn’t bring a thousand of ya across my path from time to time, just walkin’ into Walmart can kill a Hen if she takes a big ol’ whiff. The excuses are in a pile of millions.
You think I’m BS’in’ you?
<————————–He really looked like that.
And as soon as he said it, I was like…
Me, “You’re protestin’ the Rain Forest.?”
Him, “Yeah, man. I’m protestin’ them cutting it down and like, the destruction of.”
Me, “Do they know? I mean, how the hell do they even know?”
Him, “What do ya mean?”
Me, “Well, did you send em a post card or get CNN to announce it on the news? Cuz you’re not wonderin’ around the rainforest. You’re here in Virginia. No one in the rainforest knows you stink. WE know you stink but we’re not cuttin’ the forest down.”
And then there are these people. Who, for whatever reason will not bathe or use deoderant. They have a ton of reasons and I’ve heard pretty much all of them. The most common ones are..
“I don’t need to bathe because I don’t get dirty.”
“Deodorant causes Cancer. I refuse to use it.”
Meanwhile, the rest of us have to maneuver around them like this….
After I quit smokin’ however many years ago, and suddenly realized how badly the world stunk, that was me everytime I had to go to Walmart.
But regardless, let’s tackle those two excuses for those who use them….
Just because you don’t roll around in a mud puddle, doesn’t mean you have no need of a bath. Just because you cant smell your own funk, doesn’t mean you don’t smell funky. And while you may have a point that deodorant causes cancer—who the hell am I to say any different—then that doesn’t mean you don’t need to use something to destroy that odor. Don’t care if you no longer eat meat or anything processed, therefore you believe your underarms no longer smell and I don’t care if you CAN smell them but don’t think they are bad enough to wash them, the rest of us CAN SMELL YOU and it is downright disrespectful to make us suffer like that. So, grab a bar of soap, take a bath, wash your funky monkey and if you are not gonna use deodorant then remember, you must manually clean your underarms various times a day and however many times you may have to reapply these homemade ones…..
Now, remember, soap is your best friend. You need to wash—with soap—your underarms (or whatever other area) before applying any of this. Washing removes the bacteria that has built up. The recipes below will help freshen, destroy bacteria the soap can not and help prevent bacteria from sprouting until the next time you wash. I had a friend who didn’t use deodorant but she had some mad skills when it came to cleaning herself. Even at work (we worked at a Distribution Center), she would always wipe down her under arms and apply her homemade deodorant every time she took a bathroom break. Now, while you may not need that many times, just remember, you will need a few.
Citrus Deodorant Splash
- 1 lime
- 1/2 cup rubbing alcohol or vodka
- 3 teaspoons of lemon extract or orange extract
- A Bottle with Lid
Squeeze the lime to get the juice – not the pulp—and mix with the alcohol, lemon or orange extract. Store this in the fridge. You can add it to the bottle, dab with a cotton ball or add it to a small spray bottle.
- 1/3 cup of Vodka
- 10 drops of lavender essential oil
- 5 drops of lime essential oil
- 5 drops of lemongrass essential oil
- Dark colored bottle. (If you can find one)
Mix and store in a cool dark place.
- 2 ounces of Distilled Witch Hazel
- 1 ounce Sage- Alcohol based herbal Extract
- 10 drops of Grapefruit seed extract
- 10 drops of clary sage essential oil
- 5 drops of Patchouli essential oil
Mix and place in a bottle. Shake and Spray as needed.
Tip: You can switch out any of the essential oils above or extracts and use one of your choosing. Extracts are better if they are alcohol based.
Oil Based Deoderant
- 1/2 cup of Baking Soda
- 1/2 cup of Coconut Oil
- Essential Oil of your choosing (Few Drops or more—its what your nose likes.)
- 1/4 cup cornstarch (optional)
Melt the Coconut Oil but don’t bring to a boil. Mix all other ingredients and pour in a container or Jar. Let cool. Keep in a cool, dark place and apply as needed.